Sexual Dreams – Mormon Lesbian List – May 2009

I’m still on this Mormon Lesbian mailing list, even though I won’t be with another woman again, because I still feel connected to that community. One of the ladies wrote about her ideal sexual experience being completely spiritual at the same time, as in every touch is a spiritual touch, and the minds are connected in a deeper way. I think this is what I will need to have happen in my (future) marriage.

With this spiritual aspect, I really think if I get married to a man, I can be sexually fulfilled by him. If we are joined in the minds, then our sexual lives can be tantric in quality, and I think we will reach spiritual heights.

I think if we do yoga together that will help and I think we should always shower together. For one it will conserve water but also, everyone likes showering together and I like showering with someone else more than showering alone, and it’s a good way to start the day as a married couple (after starting the day with sex, of course).

And I think intimacy can and should always be there in the marriage. Whenever he wants to have sex, I will be willing. Even if I’m tired. Sex brings the couple closer together, and what do I have to gain by withholding something that fosters intimacy in our marriage? It’s a small sacrifice to make for the good of the marriage.

In the polyamorous affair, I would sometimes withhold sex from the guy I was supposedly dating as a power tool, and then have sex with one of his friends, right next to him, just to make him mad. It was very immature.

If you really love your husband (which obviously I didn’t with that guy) then why not just have sex with him when he needs it? Men are so grateful to come. The small amount of time and effort on the wife’s part reaps dividends in closeness and intimacy and thankfulness on the part of the husband and furthermore on the marriage itself.

Sex in a marriage should be constant. And adventurous. Wives should be willing to do anything the husband wants, as long as it isn’t demeaning to her, and husbands should likewise do anything the wife wants, with the same caveat. All areas of sex should be tried (oral, anal, vaginal) in all possible different positions.

And neither should feel ashamed at straying from the traditional missionary position, but both spouses should look at sexual exploration as a way to further bond and be closer.

This may sound controversial, but I think it’s okay to get a little rough with your wife during sex – never to hit her or do anything that would harm her or make her feel demeaned, but sometimes a little roughness is okay.

Sometimes the men would think they couldn’t be rough with their wives, which is one reason they could do things with us – we were kind of like the escape route for men to try out their fantasies with instead of with their wives. But I think men should look at sex with their wives as everything from tender to rough (though I don’t agree with violence or bondage – never even wanted to try it).

Sex should be explored in every way as a married couple, but I can’t advocate threesomes or orgies anymore, though I really want to! It’s so hard for me to imagine a monogamous marriage but I have to if I’m going to keep my promise.

My fellow Mormons believe that if the couple is really in love and committed, sex should be fulfilling enough for just the two of them, especially if they have sex as often as possible. My married friend could have sex all the time, and I was always available until I understood why it was wrong, since he was married.

But I will use the model of constant sex and intimacy in my (real) marriage. My married friend felt spirituality in our intimacy, and always said that what men and women create together in sex (what he’s experienced with me and with his wife) is the greatest and most powerful feeling.

I never felt it with him, or any man, but I would like to have that feeling with my husband. Although I’ve never felt a level of spiritual ecstasy, I’ve had a couple of girls reach it with me, and my married friend who I was having an affair with said he’s reached it with me.

I’ve never reached it with anyone because I’ve been too selfish. I think I’ll reach it when I’m married because I will really want to reach it and I will be thinking of my husband, too, not just of me.

Plus, I can only marry someone who challenges my mind and I will be committed to him spiritually, sexually, emotionally, mentally. I might not be physically attracted to him the way I am to women, though I hope he has brown skin as that will definitely increase his attractiveness to me, but as long as our minds can meld, then we will be sexually and spiritually uplifted.

But I trust that God has someone in place for me who can fulfill me spiritually and sexually and intellectually and emotionally, and for whom I can be just as fulfilling in every way. I am positive it’s possible.

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