Robert Hannibal occupied my mind and heart during the aforementioned Thanksgiving weekend. Although I was pretty sure he was married, I anxiously and foolishly awaited an email or text from him.
Friday night I was hanging out with one of my friends, “Persia,” and I was just feeling so enamored of Robert Hannibal that I told her all about him. I couldn’t keep my love and desire for him quiet and I wanted to share what I felt for him. I told her I was afraid he was married, but I told her a more sanitized version of how we met.
She was very open about this (a couple has actually been trying to get with her, although she has thus far refused) and so I told her I was thinking about going to a swing club that night.
(I did not tell Persia that I prefer girls – I would never want to make her feel uncomfortable around me, especially since she is so beautiful and I would love to even just kiss her, but I want to keep our friendship and don’t want to jeopardize it). So I just told her I needed to get my mind off Robert Hannibal and that’s why I was going.
In reality, I hoped to meet a good-looking couple with a woman who would want to continue alone with me at other times, or a nice-looking man who would be a “couple” with me to go to “couples-only” parties. This was my first time at this club, and apparently single women can always enter this club, but this night was a night they let single men enter as well.
I was so disappointed with the selection. I saw millions of men and a few unattractive and overweight women who were standing together in a group, and one couple. I was too worried to approach the couple as an obvious and desperate lesbian, and wished I had a man to do the approaching for me.
A harmless looking very tall white guy with glasses came over and started talking to me, and asked me to go in a back room with him, so we did. Curtains leading to the room were open so that people could watch, and as we were the first people to get started, we soon had a small crowd watching us. After the glasses guy and I finished, one of the men watching us tried to go in, and the glasses guy said he had to ask me first if he could enter the room.
Then something strange happened. I forgot that I had gone to this club to find a guy to be a “swing partner” with me, which the glasses guy very well could have been, and I started thinking I was working at Onie’s club. At Onie’s club, when a guy wants to “play” with us, we always say yes because that is what we are paid to do. So I let the guy in, and the glasses guy left, and when the second guy finished, there soon were four other guys I let in.
Fortunately, after the fourth guy, I heard a woman’s voice say to some men who were watching, “No, she likes it, go ahead and ask.” This woke me from my stupor and I pushed off the poor fifth guy who was on top of me, put on my clothes and rushed out to the exit.
And I realized that none of the guys had actually asked me if they could have sex with me. They just saw me having sex and assumed they could have sex with me too. At least at Onie’s club, the men ask.
I angrily told the guy who runs the place that he needs more women, and he said the reason there were so many men was because Friday night was the only night men were allowed. He told me to come back on Saturday, because it was for couples-only and single women, and I shouldn’t have the same problem.
I was so mad at myself for letting all those men have sex with me for free. I felt like the club should give me a cut of their profits that night, but of course I couldn’t ask them to do so, considering it’s illegal.
And I was so mad because my original purpose in finding a guy to be my “swing partner” didn’t happen at all, and yet I let so many guys have me for free that night.
Especially now that I know that I can really enjoy sex with a man, as long as the man is Robert Hannibal, I don’t want any man to have sex with me for free ever again. Unless it is Robert Hannibal, or my husband, and I was hoping the two would be one in the same.