The Men I Was Dealing with Before My First Date with Robert Hannibal (I am in Love with a Man for the First Time in My Life – Part 2e –shadow life) – January 13, 2011

After the Friday night swing club fiasco, I was so annoyed. The next day was Saturday, and still no email from Robert Hannibal.  I was so sad, but decided to go to another club that night, one that was for couples-only and single women.  I didn’t want to go back to the same club I had gone to on Friday because the memory of letting all those men have me for free  was still in my mind.

Regardless, I was determined to check out another club because the weekend was Thanksgiving weekend, and so a lot of my friends were out of town, and thus my “real life” could give way more easily to my “shadow life.”

I call my desire to “swing” and be with women, and my job at Onie’s club all part of my “shadow life.”  I like my “shadow life” to operate in the off-hours, so as not to interfere with my real life.  Usually my weekends are pretty busy because I like to hang out with friends from church and from school.

I don’t like to miss any parties or activities my friends are doing because 1) I love my friends and I love being with them and 2) I want to keep my real and normal life as vibrant as possible so as to give no indication that I even have a shadow life.

The club I went to on Saturday was a much better crowd than the club I went to on Friday.  Everyone was young and good-looking, and they were almost all couples.  A few groups of single women were there, but it was mostly young, good-looking couples.  And no single men!

A sexy Asian girl, whose partner was a nice-looking man, flirted with me, but I was too worried about appearing as an obvious lesbian.   I really wanted Robert Hannibal there with me.  Even though the girl was the one flirting with me, I felt that it was too apparent that my primary interest was girls because I was there by myself.

If Robert Hannibal was with me, or any guy, then it could seem like I was just there because my partner wanted me to be there, or this was just something we did on the side, not an integral part of my life.

So I left.  Two disappointed nights in one Thanksgiving weekend.  Finally, Sunday afternoon, I emailed Robert Hannibal and asked when he would send me the links.  Sunday late night, after midnight, he emailed me back with the links.

Then Monday morning, he said if I was free Friday night “and so inclined,” he would see if there were any parties going on or he would schedule a tantric massage for us.

I was so happy!  At this point, I decided he must not be married after all. Perhaps divorced, even separated, but not married. How could he have the freedom to go out on a Friday night if he was married?

That was the best email I had ever received and I emailed him soon after to tell him that Friday sounded fun.  I had the best week ever because I was anticipating seeing Robert Hannibal again and I had fantasies of marrying him – I had never felt this for any man before in my life.


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