Part 5 – The First Threesome I Didn’t Want: (1/13/2011) I am in Love with a Man for the First Time – Robert Hannibal

A few days after Christmas, on Dec. 29, Robert Hannibal texted me and said he hoped my Christmas was good and then he said, “2 weeks until tantra!”  I was so glad he had thought of me over Christmas break.  Of course I had thought of him constantly, but I couldn’t expect the same level of attention from him, a married father.  I was excited about the tantra club, but more excited about seeing him.

Then I didn’t hear from him for a about a week and a half, so on Jan. 11 I emailed him to ask him when the tantra club would open, and he said he hadn’t  gotten any confirmation that it was happening, but he would check again.  Then he sent me another email: “If you’re up for it, we could do a sensual massage session this evening.  There is lovely lady who will do a 90 min couples session.”  And he said it would be a 15-minute bus ride but of course I would go any distance to see him.  I told him I had never had a sensual massage before in a couples situation before.

The woman was attractive, probably in her late 40’s, and said she preferred giving sensual massages to couples rather than single men. I felt guilty because we weren’t a real couple and she asked if we were married or boyfriend and girlfriend and I said no, and Robert Hannibal said we were “sexual adventurers.”

She still took this to mean we were a couple of sorts, but I knew what Robert Hannibal meant.  I am simply his partner in seeking sexual adventure.  Yet could I ask to be anything more than that, knowing that he’s married?  I should just be glad I get to be with him.

The masseuse said she wouldn’t engage in sex herself, but of course Robert Hannibal and I were free to do so.  We laid down on the bed, facedown and naked, while she was on top of us.  The massage was nice and sensual and she had a very nice touch.  Robert Hannibal saw me smile at something she did, and he made some comment, like, “someone’s happy.”  She played more with me than with him, and it was fun.

Robert Hannibal went down on me and then asked the masseuse  if he could lick her as well, and I was glad when she said no.  But she stimulated Robert Hannibal and then he and I had sex.  The masseuse was involved and it was a nice threesome, but she was more involved with me than with him.  I was glad.  If she had been more involved with him than with me, I would have been jealous, but for the first time I would have been jealous of the woman and not the man.

But I did find myself getting jealous of her that he was touching her while he was having sex with me.  I realized that I would have preferred to have been alone with Robert Hannibal!  That is something I never thought I would ever wish, to be alone with a man instead of having a woman there!  But I wished the other woman wasn’t there and that it was just me and Robert Hannibal.

Afterwards, she said we could shower and I thought Robert Hannibal would shower with me, but he spent the entire time I was in the shower talking with the masseuse.  This made me so upset.  I was so jealous.  I couldn’t believe how upset I was.  I guess there is no way I can deny that I really like him.  I still can’t quite believe it.  But I really do.  I really love him.

When we left her apartment, I was still so mad and I can’t hide how I feel so I just told the masseuse “bye” but I couldn’t say “thank you.”  Although she had a great touch and had enabled Robert Hannibal and me to have another amazing sexual experience, I couldn’t thank her because at the end he was with her instead of with me.

When we were on the bus back to the city, he kept asking me what was wrong, and I told him that I was expecting a real massage for muscle tension with a sensual flare added.  I told him I had had real massages that were also sensual, given either by another woman or by a man, and I thought that’s what she was going to do – give a real massage to get knots out but also make it sensual.

He told me most people who are trained as massage therapists might not do the sensual part as well, but I told him I had had it in individual situations.  I also told him I wasn’t attracted to her – I wanted someone more feminine.  Not that the woman was unfeminine.  I was just unhappy because Robert Hannibal had not showered with me but had talked to the woman instead.

But how could I tell him that?  I had no claim on him.  He was another woman’s husband.  I was just his “sexual adventure” partner.  And I realized if I kept up a bad attitude, he wouldn’t even want to share any more sexual adventures with me.  So I changed the subject and talked about bright, cheerful subjects.  I was so happy when he said he might be able to go to another swing club on Saturday night with me, but he wasn’t sure.  I was so happy at the prospect of possibly seeing him again so soon!

He told me about another elegant swing party, similar to the “One Leg Up” parties, but this party was called “Do you know George.” He said that he and his wife were actually going to go to this party for New Year’s Eve, but decided not to at the last minute.  I thought of how lucky his wife was, to have the opportunity to get to go to these fancy swing parties and see beautiful women but get to go home with the best lover in the world.

I wondered why his wife didn’t want to go to those parties anymore, but I didn’t ask him.  I could understand if she just wanted Robert Hannibal to herself – who wouldn’t? But I gathered that she and he were not as intimate as they once were, though I didn’t ask him that either.  Sometimes I want to know everything about his wife, who I think is the luckiest woman in the world, and sometimes I don’t want to know anything about her.

When we were at the subway station, I told him to let me know about this Saturday, and he said he would see, but he had to live his “regular life too.”  I told him about my deadline, that I had to get all this done by April 1st, and that I called all of this my “shadow life.”  He laughed, and I told him that since I’m on limited time, I’m willing to have my “shadow life” dig into my “real life” a little.  But really, I just wanted more time with him, but didn’t say so.   I just told him I really wanted to go to a “One Leg Up” party before my deadline.  Then we parted ways.

The whole subway ride home I thought about Robert Hannibal and how being in the very situation I had been searching for back in August 2010, namely a sensual threesome, had happened that night and I didn’t want it. I only wanted to be with Robert Hannibal.  It was amazing that a man could make me not want to be with another woman.

A woman right next to me, kissing me, touching me, and I didn’t want it.  I only wanted Robert Hannibal!

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